2018: Summer of (Lobster) Love

Monday, May 28, 2018

The days are longer and the temperature creeps upward every day, which can only mean one thing—Lobster rolls!

With the unofficial start to summer now officially upon us, allow yourself to indulge:

The sun sets and the blue skies fade into the darkening pinks and oranges of the evening. Your skin is softly cooled from the heat of the Tropic of Cancer. You lay on the beach, clutch the crispy buttered roll, close your eyes to and get ready for the first bite of that lobster roll. But… your foodgasm fails to climax. Your sandwich just does not taste expensive enough. It spoils an otherwise perfect evening. 

Unfortunately, seafood restaurants across New York have been besieged by this “fast casual dining” fad where you purchase gourmet quality dishes that even college students can afford. Lobster rolls fall just below $30. How do people live like this?

Our friends at Dean & Deluca have answered our prayers with their 12 oz. lobster roll tubes, priced at just $165 for two. They state: “We offer two versions of the New England classic: the first with sweet succulent chunks of claw and knuckle lobster meat, chilled and lightly dressed with mayonnaise, celery, and lemon zest, the second dressed simply with mayonnaise and tarragon.” How delish! A salad even easier to make than an actual salad, with ingredients you don’t even have to know about (seriously, what’s mayonnaise made of, again?).

If you happen to be in your summer home in the Hamptons craving some crustacean, then look no further than Loaves & Fish Foodstore. They’ll share their family lobster salad recipe for about a $100. Well, just the salad. Not the recipe, actually.

These places are so great the only way to make the lobster rolls even better would be to substitute the buttered bread for gold bricks. Sadly, this won’t occur until our peasant stomachs learn how to digest harder metals. Until then, we are going to have some good sandwiches.


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