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Feel Safe from Kidnapping This Halloween

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

With Halloween around the corner, the monsters are out. Werewolves, vampires, ghosts – you name it, they’re wandering the streets of New York searching for a soul to scare.

Of course, they’re all children, and they’re also looking for candy.

But there might be some other monsters out there that are really looking for you. If the night of October 31, you’re nervous that the goblin might sneak his way into your home to steal you away, you’re (surprisingly) not alone.

There’s insurance for that.

Kidnap insurance can be provided for businesses or individuals, often if they work internationally in high-crime areas. But anyone can decide to invest in such insurance, especially during such a dangerous time of year when the White Walkers feel safe to roam on Halloween without being judged.

You’ll be reimbursed for however much your captor demands for your ransom, and the insurance company will even help negotiate to bring you home safe and sound. On the off chance you are not Liam Neeson from Taken (I, II or III), your insurance can also provide a SWAT-like team to save you. It can also cover the safety of your family, your friends, your nanny or maybe even your dog. However, you’re not actually allowed to tell anyone that you have this insurance.

So… how they’re supposed to know to save you is anybody’s guess.

It’s nearly impossible to find out how much this insurance would cost, as there are a lot of factors at play, such as “How likely are you to be kidnapped?” and “How much money can we scam you into paying?”

You might already have this insurance and be completely unaware. Businesses sometimes insure their employees but keep them in the dark, so as not to encourage them to fake their own kidnapping, as any sane, rational person would do.

If this has opened your eyes to the appeal of insurances you will never need, luckily there is an array of other possibilities for you this Halloween. Alien abduction, the attack of a zombie and paranormal activity are all options for investments. You’ll be safe from every imaginary creature that there is.

“Take me, sucker!” you can yell at the confused troll with a large knapsack in which it planned to store you. “I have insurance for this!”


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